my diary

Invincible…

It’s a funny thing

How  when we’re out of love and all alone,

Our hearts feel like they

Can never be broken again,

And what an invincible feeling that is.

But

It’s a funny thing

How when we’re falling in love and are treasured,

Our hearts feel like they

Are finally full,

And what an invincible feeling that is.

 

-a.a.

 

 

image via Alexandra Absi… See more photography by me @ vsco.com/alexandraabsi

 

 

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Lovely Words: Shingles…

I do not know if I am the roof, warn and rusted and broken

in more places than I am whole, and you are the light,

shining through and making those gaps seem beautiful…

or, If I am the light, and you are the roof that is too scared to

toss aside the shingles, cast away the nails, and be bathed in

my warmth until you forget you were ever broken at all.

I do not know, and I do not know if I ever will. 

poems from the typewriter series, Tyler Knott Gregson

Poem & Picture Source: Tyler Knott

xo,

A

Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Truffles

Hey Everyone!

Baking has always been one of my favourite hobbies, so I am always up for exploring my latest Pintrest finds, and seeing if the creative recipes I find can actually come out like the pictures. This is one of those.

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Here’s what it calls for…

3/4 cup Brown Sugar

12 oz Chocolate melting pieces

1 cup Flour

1/4 Kosher Salt

1 cup Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips

1 tsp Vanilla Extract

1/2 cup Butter

4 oz Cream Cheese

So here’s what you do…

1. Beat cream cheese and butter until creamy. Add sugar and vanilla. Beat in flour and salt. Fold in chocolate morsels. Scoop (about 1-2 Tbsp) onto a parchment lined baking sheet (or two plates, like I did). Freeze for about 2 hours (or overnight). <– (I froze mine for about a half an hour, their texture and taste was still amazing!! xo)

2. Once frozen, use hands to soften a little into a nicely shaped ball. Using a toothpick, dip into melted chocolate coating and return to parchment (I just threw them in the bowl and rolled them around with a spoon, they pulled them out with the spoon). Drizzle with melted vanilla if wanted. Refrigerate and enjoy.

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Enjoy 🙂

xo, A

(P.S… see more delicious Pintrest ideas on my page :))

Questions I Never Asked My Grandpa

My grandfather passed away last weekend, and I’ve had quite the hard time coming to acceptance with it. He was always such a quiet man. Always deep in concentration, full of knowledge, serious in tone – until it came to sports of course. He knew everything and anything and was always willing to discuss the matters of any current game (and I mean any – soccer, football, tennis, baseball, basketball, swim, etc. – you mentioned it, he knew it). His home was my second home, and still is. As a child I spent my weekends running through the yard chasing the dogs, smashing my feet into the fallen blackberries, and then jumping into the pool, my toes covered in black. I could hear my grandpa yelling from the stoop, “damnit Alex, use the hose!”

I loved him so dearly and I was his baby. He taught me how to whistle, shuffle cards and play endless games of solitaire. Make homemade macaronis.
That’s always what he was to me. My beloved grandfather who never had much to say, loved sports, playing cards, his Sunday softball games, Italian cold cuts and pasta, and hanging with his pals at the local convenient store. And I always thought for sure that that’s who he was. And unconditionally I loved every bit of him.

When he passed, old pictures came out, stories, memories. While flipping through the box of 200 pictures he took at about age 24 during his time stationed in Germany in the 50s, I got to thinking that the man with the huge grin in those pictures wasn’t the one I ever knew. He was laughing, dancing with friends, taking in the sun at a camp on station. My grandmother gave me his uniform from war with “Absi” sewn at the pocket. The same exact shirt he was wearing in the pictures. I held that uniform so tight and all I could do was weep. I breathed it in, rubbed it against my face. It’s been sitting in the closet for nearly 50 years, but I still wanted to feel like I was feeling the man in those pictures; I was feeling my grandpa’s soul. I loved everything he was so much, but everything I knew he was for the past 20 years I was alive was not even half of what he ever was. All those times we spoke on the phone and never knew quite what to say, the silence during Family Fued. I only knew the last twenty years of his life and I let the 60 others get away. I wanted to hear his stories; what the sun felt like on his face in Germany, what his friends were like, if they still spoke, what life was like for him at my age in his time.

I’ve carried those pictures with their sweet inscriptions on the back with me everywhere since I’ve had them, and can’t let them go. Because believe it or not I feel like I’ve met a new man that I’ve never known in those pictures and their writing, and I’ve grown to love my grandpa even more than I thought I could.
But it’s too late. And my heart breaks. And losing him hurts even more now than I imagined possible. I didn’t just lose my grandpa, I lost the man in those pictures. I lost the adventure, the lifetime, and all of those silent moments while sitting next to his hospital bed to ever know what his whole life was really like.

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So if your grandparents are still around, always try and remember that they had a life before you were born. I know that that sounds so ignorant and mean to think that we as people only can think of others living in the time that they were involved in our lives, but it isn’t. And it isn’t that I, or anyone else who never knew their 15-30 year old aged grandparents lives weren’t interested, or are too busy with our own lives, it’s just sometimes, in the heat of our current society, we never think to ask, or realize to learn the history that is within the people in our very own homes. So don’t ever forget to ask them. Their wisdom and experiences can warm your soul.

Now granpy, I know you aren’t technologically savvy, and you haven’t used a computer in most likely 5 years, but here are my questions for you (I’ll read them out loud – maybe you will hear me from heaven):

-What meal that your mom/dad cooked when you were a kid was your favorite?
-What was the neighborhood like when you first built the house?
-I love the 50s. What was your favorite song from then?
-Did you play baseball in high school?
-Why did you join the army?
-What’s your favorite memory from your time enlisted?
-I’ve seen all of your beautiful pictures. Did you want to be a photographer?
-How was Germany? What was it like after Hitler?
-Did you ever think about leaving RI?
-Who taught you how to whistle?
-What kind of car did you drive in the 50s?
-you lived in the time of Audrey Hepburn, JFK and Marilyn Monroe. What did you think of them?
-What smell reminds you of home?
-what’s your favorite memory?

I know you can’t answer me, but just know that I wanted to know.

And lastly granps,
I love you more than you ever knew. You were a fighter.

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Xo
A

Lovely Words: You’re All That I Can See

I thought that this was incredibly heartfelt & beautiful, and saved it awhile back so I could hold onto it. I thought maybe you would want to hold onto it too. Enjoy xo

“how can you tell me

that nobody notices you

when the sound of your laughter

feels like home to me

or when my skin is inked

with every word you’ve told me

I know how you mumble

when you’re sad

and how your eyes seem to turn

from green to grey then

and I know how lost you feel sometimes

or how much you want to disappear

but how can you tell me

that nobody notiices you

when you are all that I can see?

wtm

xo, A

Lovely Words: With the Sunshine

“AND SO WITH THE SUNSHINE AND THE GREAT BURSTS OF LEAVES GROWING ON THE TREES, JUST AS THINGS GROW IN FAST MOVIES, I HAD THAT FAMILIAR CONVICTION THAT LIFE WAS BEGINNING OVER AGAIN WITH THE SUMMER.`”
• F. SCOTT FITZGERALD, THE GREAT GATSBY (VIA THATSQUOTEABLE)
xo, A

A Playlist for the Ages

A long while back I made a playlist of songs that I loved unconditionally for my Tumblr page. Even now, a few years later, I have yet to change the playlist and still am deeply in love with every piece of it, so I’ve decided to share it with you.

Here’s a bit of an edited version (I added in a few more older songs that I still adore for you to take a listen to too).

Here it is…

Fix You · Coldplay

What Now · Rihanna

Fashion Killa · A$AP Rocky

Gravity · John Mayer

The Mother We Share · CHVRCHES

You Can Be the Boss · Lana Del Rey

Yellow · Coldplay

Everybody Knows · Dustin Tavella

Stay · Rihanna

Now You See Me · Skogsra

Give Me Love · Ed Sheeran

The Scientist · Coldplay

Skinny Love · Birdy

Enjoy the Ride · Krewella

Home · Gabrielle Aplin

Born to Die · Lana Del Rey

Rivers & Roads · The Head and the Heart

Hannah (Honey I’m Home Session) · Freelance Whales

We Never Change · Coldplay

(if you can’t tell by now, I’m a bit of a acoustic junkie (; haha)

Enjoy!

xo, A

Why a 5 Year Old is the Best Friend I’ll Ever Have

My baby sister turned 5 on Monday and it hit me pretty hard. I remember holding her in my arms in the hospital not too long ago, during my awkward high school years with the grungy black makeup smothering my eyes. Those pictures feel like yesterday. I know it’s silly to say that a five year old is my best friend, but it’s the absolute truth.

While I was visiting for her birthday weekend, I had a dream that our little dog Mojo broke his arm and I told her about it and we laughed. The next night while I was laying in bed I was sobbing. She’s my baby, she’s so big, and I have to leave her in the morning to go back to a boring place where she isn’t in my bed every morning. She had no idea why I was crying but she said to me “Is it because you dreamt Mojo hurt his leg? And he’s old and will probably die soon?” I nodded yes. She cradled my head in her arms and kissed my cheeks.

“It’s okay. That dream wasn’t real he’s okay. Don’t cry. I’m going to be sad when he dies too, he is old, but it’ll be okay. When  he dies we’ll all be able to hold him without him biting so that will be good.”

(he’s a chihuahua he’s pretty feisty sometimes and doesn’t like to be held LOL)

But as I sat there crying, depressed, confused with my life, she held me and told me all the good things about Mojo, how it will be ok when he dies, and not to be sad. I stopped crying and I laughed. She looked me in the eyes, “We’ll carry him to heaven. He will be happy.”

She mended and broke my heart all at once.

She does makeup with me, we drive around town looking for punch buggies when we’re bored. I take her out for coffees, she always tells me I’m beautiful, which of my underwear are her favorite, and is always begging me to ‘smuggle’ her and watch Grease, my favorite movie (and now hers). And we can never forget the popcorn, Doritos and Ben & Jerry’s (all of our favorite snacks). We dance around the kitchen to Grease Lightening, shake our tushies to Bruno Mars’ Uptown Funk, and bake vanilla cakes (both of our favorites).

How could anyone have a better friend than that?

And I can’t say it’ll all be the same as she grows older. I’ll hold onto her as tight as I can but she might want to let go, go shopping with her friends, meet boys at the movies, and be 16 and only talk to her 32 year old sister when she gets the annoying calls once a week, but regardless of how she grows she’s my baby. She’s my best friend. And I will never let her go.

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Happy birthday my babe. You’re the light of my life.

xo, your sister and forever best friend, Al.

Lovely Words: No Explanations Necessary

“It’s not about being what everyone else wants you to be, or what everyone else is, It’s about being yourself and finding people who truly love you for what you are.”

– Unknown

50 Questions You’ve Never Been Asked

I found this cute list of random questions that I thought would be a perfect little ‘get to know me better’ post, and decided it would be a great little train to start.

So here’s how it works. You have to thank who nominated you, comment about something you thought was interesting about them, and then answer the 50 questions. After you’re done, nominate 5 new people!

So here it goes….

1. What’s your favorite candle scent? cinnamon 🙂

2. What female celebrity do you wish was your sister? this is a hard one.. I already have an amazing sister. But I’d say Taylor Swift. I don’t look into many celebrities personal lives, or personalities per day. I enjoy them for what they do. But I’ve seen a lot of the sincere things she has done for her fans and she seems pretty down to earth, plus I love a song with some great lyrics!

3. What male celebrity do you wish was your brother? Like I said, this is hard for me because I don’t look into their personal lives, but I went through a phase where I watched tons of interviews of John Travolta when he was younger (because I’m obsessed with Grease) and he seemed like a super sweet guy. And would probably have some cute guy friends (; haha

4. How old do you think you’ll be when you get married? Hopefully I get married between 26 and 28.

5. Do you know a hoarder? hahahaha no. But I tend to keep random silly things because they hold a tiny memory. And shoe boxes, I like to fill them with stuff hahaha but no. no hoarders.

6. Can you do a split? I did gymnastics and cheerleading. So last time I tried I could, but that was awhile ago sooo…… im not so sure haha

7. How old were you when you learned how to ride a bike? I don’t even know.

8. How many oceans have you swam in? One. Sad, I know.

9. How many countries have you been to? One. 😦

10. Is anyone in your family in the army? No.

11. What would you name your daughter if you had one? Mila

12. What would you name your son if you had one? Bentley

13. What’s the worst grade you got on a test? F lol

14. What was your favorite TV show when you were a child? Barney

15. What did you dress up as on Halloween when you were eight? I think I was Dorothy?

16. Have you read any of the Harry Potter, Hunger Games or Twilight series? I read all of the Twilight books and have to say, the movies are pretty awful.

17. Would you rather have an American accent or a British accent? British. My boyfriend is actually scottish haha

18. What is one of your strangest pet-peeves? I’ve had a question like this before. the answer is windshield wipers. It’s like I have OCD when it comes to them. It will drive me CRAZY if i’m not driving and the windshield wipers are going too fast when it isn’t raining a lot, or too slow, or are making a noise. And when I am driving I’m constantly changing them.

19. Are your grandparents still married? no

20. Have you ever taken karate lessons? no

21. Do you know who Kermit the frog is? yes haha

22. What’s the first amusement park you’ve been to? six flags my senior year of high school

23. What language, besides your native language, would you like to be fluent in? Italian or french. I have strong italian roots and think they sound beautiful when the speak. And french is also soo beautiful.

24. Do you spell the color as grey or gray? grey

25. Is your father bald? hahaha how did you know!?

26. Do you know triplets? yup

27. Do you prefer Titanic or The Notebook? the notebook i think…. i love them both so much!

28. Have you ever had Indian food? nope

29. What’s the name of your favorite restaurant? Don’s, but it closed 😦 (it was my grandfathers)

30. Have you ever been to Olive Garden? once, it was awful

31. Do you belong to any warehouse stores (Costco, BJ’s, etc.)? no

32. What would your parents have named you if you were the opposite gender? i was supposed to be a boy and that’s why my name is still alex. I have no middle name for that reason too.

33. If you have a nickname, what is it? Al

34. Who’s your favorite person in the world? Addison, my baby sister.

35. Would you rather live in a rural area or in the suburbs? rural

36. Can you whistle? sometimes, it depends for some reason haha

37. Do you sleep with a nightlight? no, it needs to be pitch black usually for me to sleep

38. Do you eat breakfast every morning? rarely actually, which is pretty bad :/

39. Do you take any pills or medication daily? no, sometimes a vitamin

40. What medical conditions do you have? none

41. How many times have you been to the hospital? 2 times

42. Have you ever seen Finding Nemo? yes

43. Where do you buy your jeans? anywhere I find a pair that fit right, I’m insanely picky about my jeans

44. What’s the last compliment you got? I can’t even remember the last time I got a compliment lol

45. Do you usually remember your dreams in the morning? usually. I dream every night

46. What flavor tea do you enjoy? i’m not a tea person

47. How many pairs of shoes do you currently own? i think 15, that i never really wear either

48. What religion will you raise your children to practice? none. I don’t believe in practicing religion. i feel it has too much control over the free mind. but then again, the mind is free, so believe what you like.

49. How old were you when you found out that Santa wasn’t real? i can’t really remember but maybe it was 13? I stayed up every christmas eve with my parents to help wrap presents as soon as i found out.

50. Why do you have a blog? I’ve always had a passion for writing and studied Journalism while I was in college; I’ve written my own songs and poetry since I was about 12. There was just every reason in the universe for me to do it. I have a passion for clothes, and thought what not a better way to get my self out there then to write about something that people will want to read, so I started with The Style Studies.

 

Here are the 5 blogs I nominate…

1. Plus + Beauty

2. State & Occupation

3. Lissa Elaine

4. Braids & Eyeliner

5. Aroon Melane

 

Have fun!

xo – A