Stories and feelings on my life experiences and current events in the fashion world, real world, etc.

What it means to me to be a woman & how you can give back

I love women and being a woman.

Understanding feminism and what it means to be a woman has significantly altered and progressed throughout my life.

I started as a young girl in a world where it was “unattractive” to be a feminist – it was something men didn’t like in a woman and therefore something I didn’t want to be.

I started as a passive young girl who always followed the rules of men in her life and let their opinions be her defining source of self worth. A world where “Mean Girls” was the anthem – take down the girl who is different than you, especially if it gets you the guy.

This isn’t an attack on men. This is reflecting on the social stereotypes that have filled my child to adult hood. It took years upon years to grow the courage to turn my back against the people who I endlessly loved because their worth in women reflected in their painful disrespect towards me. Years, to break free from a mold where those actions became a reflection of my own personal self worth. It took me jumping into the world on my own and becoming independent to realize what I was worth, what women as a whole are worth, and what it truly means to be a woman – an equal member of society. It took a lot of self reflection, exploration, and understanding to realize what being a woman in America means. So all I can say to you is break free from your mold, explore, gain experiences and learn about new cultures to find what it means to you to be the woman that you are. Educate – you may not be able to change those who can’t understand, but your voice will be heard. And don’t ever forget that women all over the world outside of our bubble are still being devalued, disrespected and dismembered. Being a woman is a much larger responsibility and much more powerful title than you could ever imagine.



Find a way to give back to your community, woman to woman, and donate to projects like Direct Relief Women here:


Mood Board 3/1


Most importantly love

Like it’s the only thing you know how. At the end of the day all this means nothing. this page, where you’re sitting, your degree, your job, the money – nothing even matters except love and human connection – who you loved and how deeply you loved them, how you touched the people around you and how much you gave them.

Rupi Kaur


When someone starts to go out of their way to make your life easier (especially when your life is pretty complicated and exhausting) it does, in result, make your life much easier. But in exchange, it adds difficulty to theirs.

And I know, those who give should not expect in return.
And I know, those who go out of their way to help someone are doing it out of their own will.

But it must, at some point, become damaging to the person and/or the relationship as a whole.

And I know, that the taker can give back in return in other ways, but what if it doesn’t compare?
What if it isn’t enough?
What is it isn’t as often?

Is this what leads us to expectations and standards? And when they stops expending, is this what leads us to feel unloved and conclusively lead to downfall?

Journal Entry 3: 30 Days in Cali…

I’ve been a bad blogger …again. I hope that every time I add to my Journal Entry chronicles, I am not self-confessing my lack of interaction. But yes, I’ve been a bad blogger again.

I’ve been scared. I feel like I’ve used that word a lot since I’ve started my journal entries – but this time around, I’ve been scared that I would jinx the happiness.

These past 30 days have been the best days of my life. 

I promised to myself at the end of 2016 that 2017 was going to be my year – my year to do what’s right for me – my year to be strong, to adventure, to make life happen for myself. I was worried that moving to Cali could actually result in me failing that. I was in a new place with one person to call my friend who had her own life to live. I worked from home, which isn’t the best way to make friends. I had no way to get around, not that I really knew where to go. The cost of living was haunting me. I was scared. I was scared of failure and loneliness.

But then it all so quickly started to fall into place and all that fear went away. And then I was scared to write. The words being printed indefinitely on paper made me feel like they would be left there as a closing and make it all come to an end. I would be jinxed. But before this I ran around the entire house knocking on every piece of wood in sight – so, here goes nothing…

They say that when things are meant to be, they work out in mysterious ways. A large part of me wants to believe that that’s true – that this move was meant to be, that everything happens for a reason, that secretly our inner being knows what’s right for us and gets us there, eventually.

This experience for me thus far has been a fairy-tale… And maybe, just maybe, it’s not a fairy-tale at all – maybe it’s just how life should be, I just haven’t lived like this yet …until now.

Since the immediate second I stepped foot into Santa Barbara I’ve been taken in by my loving cousin who would tear down bridges for me (…literally). She brought me into her world and made me a friend to everyone she knew. I was worried that, like being in a relationship somewhere new, I would then in result be living her life instead of one of my own – but oddly enough, I wasn’t.

I have new cousins who aren’t my cousins at all but have me over for family dinners, and don’t second guess my company when I crash their Sunday beer pong games (even without the OG cuz), whose kids run around calling my name to jump on the trampoline and take silly selfies with me. They add me to their group texts, invite me to movie nights and for glasses of wine and hunt down bagel bites with me at every Starbucks in town.

The same goes for every other friend of my cousins that I’ve been introduced to – I can now call them my own. Every day, without fail, someone is asking me to hang out. Fashion shows, bottle service and sparklers on my birthday, classy parties in giant houses in giant hills, photo-shoot’s, signing my first lease, consuming my body length in burritos, sun bathing on beaches with palm trees in them…

I took my first shot of tequila, drank more in the past 30 days than I have conclusively in my entire life, champed through an oyster shooter and even ate cow just for the sake of the In-N-Out experience.

The list goes on… I went into this experience very scared, overwhelmed, sad… I set my expectations very, very low and did some burying of the excitement I did have. I forced myself, instance after instance, to not get my hopes up.

So now I ask you – Is it really true, when they say what’s meant to be will be? Or is it that we (I) tend to aggressively overthink things into such intense mannerisms that we destroy all sense of hope and expectation until we take the risk, so that it has to end up being more amazing than we anticipated? Maybe knocking our expectations down (not aggressively, but you know what I mean) is what we need sometimes to be grateful and remind us that life and people really are amazing? (Not to get confused here – I mean, get out of your own inner fairy-tale of expectations – I don’t mean let people treat you like sh*t).

I’m not exactly sure what direction I’m going in with this post, because there’s so many different things I’ve learned in my 30 days of this new life so far – So I’ll give you the sum of it:

1. Life is what you make it. Plain and simple. 2. YOLO 3. Take the risk. ALWAYS. 4. It will all work out. 5. If you’re scared to do something that you really want to do, just do it. Chances are at the end of the day it will be one of the best decisions you have ever made. 6. Be kind. Smile wherever you go. Let things roll – it’s usually useless to get worked up. And don’t forget to make friends wherever you go. 7. There really are nice, inviting, friendly people out there – sometimes it just takes time to find them. Don’t let any selfishness and ignorance you’ve experienced with others bleed into your judgments of humans as a whole. 8. Even if it’s not what you want in the moment, force yourself to do what’s best for you (we all have that little gut monster telling us what’s right). You will look back, even in a weeks time, and thank yourself for it. 9. Always be genuinely you. No matter how weird or imperfect it is. If you are raw from the get-go, then your friends will be your friends – everyone will love and choose to have you around for the crazy human that you are, not who you think they want you to be. 10. Look at everything, and yourself, as a constant learning experience. Take it in – all of it.

30 days down, a lifetime to go.




Journal Entry 2: I Moved to California…

Reporting to you live from Boston Logan Airport: I am scared. I am worried. I am sad. I am excited? Mostly sad. Mostly scared. My bag’s are too heavy and I’m a hot sweaty mess, but I’m making my way, people. I’m a woman on a mission with one end goal – happiness. I’m sitting at a window looking at the sunrise trying to think of how exactly I can put into words my feelings – how exactly I can explain to the world that I just upped and moved (again, but…) across the country. How I can convince myself more that it’s all okay by convincing you, too, that it is.

As I venture through life as the 22-year-old that I am, sometimes sh*t happens. It happens and you have to decide then and there what you’re going to do about it, how, when, if it’s the right thing. Sometimes you will be wrong. Sometimes you will regret. Sometimes you will struggle more than you ever thought you could – but those are the risks you have to take.

I’ve been a bad blogger the past week or two, so I thought I would give you all the inside scoop. Here’s the reality of it, plain and simple – I moved to California.

I hit a realization point in my life so I packed up my things, called everyone I knew and bought my ticket to California – all in a matter of 5 hours. Impulsive, I know. Across the country, I know. A little ridiculous and extreme, I know. I owe no one an explanation, but I mean, I didn’t make it easy for you not to wonder. So, here goes nothing…

The past 4 years have been the hardest years of my life. I had to grow up too fast. I had to fall a million times to stand up once. I had to learn to understand selfishness and selflessness and the proper times for each. How to handle giving and lowering my expectations for what I would receive in return. I never had trouble loving unconditionally but I had to learn that sometimes that’s not always what’s best for me. I went on so many adventures. I found myself. I never really knew who I was for a long time and constantly tried to turn myself into who I wanted to be, but it took  me understanding that that’s what was happening to realize I needed to just let myself be who I was meant to. I finally understood and defended my morals, my opinions, my emotions, but only after they were tested and sometimes persuaded in the wrong direction. I made and lost many friendships – broke down old relationships and then helped to build them back up again.

These were the best four years of my life in Virginia even though they have been the hardest. I received unconditional love, something I had been looking for for so long. Life is hard. Love is hard. Sometimes we settle for the love we think we deserve, or the love that we think is the most we will ever get. Sometimes our expectations are too high. Relationships are hard in general. They take work, time, mistakes, breakdowns… They will never be perfect. But sometimes it takes realizing that the relationship we have with ourselves may need some work first before it can ever have a successful one with someone else. Every single day that I wake up is a learning experience and I’m not saying the next four years of my life will be any easier – they will most likely get harder – but I’m taking risks for me, and all I can hope for is that I will one day look back on my life and say I never settled, I never shied from adventure, and I never didn’t risk it all. Life doesn’t have a guide or rule book. We are all in pursuit of our own happiness, whatever that may be. Live fearlessly. Take risks. Find adventure.

Here’s to mine.


I Like Putting This Stuff On My Face… (My Skin Care Routine)

Yup. I suck at titles. So there you have it, plain and simple. I have a sick kind of obsession with putting Shea Moisture sh*t on my face. Thanks to the lovely Target in which I invade multiple times a week, and my chronically impulsive money spending friend, I have fell into a deep dark hole of Shea Moisture skin products.

(Side note: this is not an Ad. I just really found something I love.)

Shea Moisture is not only vegan, but it’s surprisingly affordable, has an extremely wide variety of products (including babies, kids, hair and makeup) and can be found at your local Target. Yet again, yup. You read it right.

It all started with the African Black Soap – a single bar of black colored soap filled with shea butter (and shockingly other organic products like tar) that you can use on your body and face in the shower.

Suffering from bad skin minimally on my back and face since I hit age 20 has been confusing and difficult. So naturally, still unaware of what works for my skin after 3 years, when my friend heard good things about it and wanted to give it a go, I was up to try anything. Instantly, I fell in love with this. It leaves your skin feeling fresh, clean and balanced (on the dry – oily spectrum). It has little bits of weird stuff (what I think are oats – I’ve never worried enough to look into it) that fall out of the soap as you wash which might take you by surprise, but it’s disgustingly satisfying.

After that I figured I would try it all, and instantly fell into this skin care routine that you see in the video above. So, here’s how it goes…

  1. Every night after work I use my Garnier makeup wipes (or just any general brand) and wipe my makeup off.

2. Then I use the Shea Moisture Youth Infusing Face Wash… It pumps out of a dispenser into a foamy substance, as you can see in the video. I can’t find this on the Target website but it’s definitely in the store. It’s so soft and IT SMELLS AMAZING. Gosh I would rub this all over my body if I could. Beautiful.

3. After doing a bit of scrubbing, I wash it off with warm water and pat my face dry. Then I’ll take the Clarifying Clay Mud Mask and put a thin layer all over my face.

mud mask thestylestudies target beauty shea moisture

Well, that’s a lie. I say thin because that’s what the directions say, but the reality of it is that I smother this sh*t all over my face in thick globs. I find it far too fun to make it look dark and smooth. It’s a problem. The mask will need to sit on your face for about 10 minutes – this is usually when I decide to run around the house and show everyone my weirdness, take some Snapchat selfies – you know, the usual. After allllll that comes my favorite part… I have tried a few times to wash the mask off with my hands and water, but after taking a wet towel with warm water to my face and wiping it off in strokes (you know, it’s called following the directions) – oh my gosh. Heaven. It comes off so easily; It’s as if you have a whole new face after. Your skin feels ultra soft, is glowing, and ugh. Amazing. I originally tried this mask in one of the tiny packets they sell it in at Target to see if I liked it, then ended up buying the whole tub and made everyone in a 15 foot radius try it. This is by far my favorite product thus far.

4. After that I’ll take the African Black Soap Clarifying Toner – another product I can’t find on the website but know is in your local Target store. I spray a few squirts of this on a cotton ball and wipe my face with this. Toner tends to really pick up all that extra dirt on your face, so you will be pleasantly surprised and a bit annoyed with your makeup wipes and face wash after this one, but it’s worth it. It gets all that excess dirt off your skin and makes your pores shrink – legitimately. Or maybe I’m just crazy. If you do the toner after the face mask, expect to see a bit of black from the mask on the cotton ball.

5. Then I rub this tea-tree oil smelling Sensitive Skin Facial Moisturizer in upward strokes on my face like a weirdo.

SheaMoisture Peace Rose Oil Complex Sensitive Skin Facial Moisturizer - 2 Fl Oz

Hey – I’m just doing what I’m told. It says on the little glass container to do so, and I’ve read in articles that that’s the best practice for applying moisturizers to avoid wrinkling, so you bet your ass I’m doing it that way. You only need to take the tiniest little bit when applying this to your face – it’s extremely moisturizing.

In the morning, I use the Sensitive Skin face wash, the Clarifying Toner, and moisturize! Simple as that!

Welp, there you have it folks. Finally I’ve found some skin care products that work for me and I am eternally grateful. I expected more (got it) and payed less. Thanks target.

p.s. – Everyone’s skin is different and reacts differently to different products. If you’re wondering if this will work for you as it has for me, and are looking to compare you skin to mine, be aware that I have temperamental skim. It chronically switches between too dry and too oily, peels, gets small tiny blackheads and occasionally the large spot. If I don’t take my makeup off before bed and legitimately wash with face wash, I’m stuck with a backlash of tiny spots all along my forehead. If this sounds like you, then you may have found some amazing products that work for you, too. 🙂

Journal Entry One: You Gave Me A Sense of Purpose

I have been using my second blog, Deeper Than Words, to post my creative writing; poems, short stories, lifestyle and journal entry posts. I figured that from now on I will put more of them here. After all, no blogger is just one specific genre behind a computer – they are human, and you should see the human side of me too. So, I’m going to post a series of journal entries – meaning, posts where I reflect on situations I find myself in in life; posts about those moments when I take a step back from the situation and think about it more as a whole. These posts can get pretty personal and sometimes very deep, but hey, that’s a part of being a writer. You can’t really be a good one unless you lay it all out there on the table. So, here it goes. Journal Entry One…


You gave me a sense of purpose.

You gave me a sense of purpose.

You gave me a sense of purpose.

The words continued to replay over and over in my head. “I… you know…” he stumbled, “It’s just when you were here you gave me a sense of purpose. I could have helped you. Or, well, I could have tried to. And now you’re not here and it’s just that I don’t have the incentive, the reminder, the bond with you that we have when you are around to remind me that I could have a purpose, that I could be good for something. It’s just hard. It’s hard.”

It hit me like one of those giant, unexpected waves I’ve almost drowned in on the shores of the Hamptons. The taller-than-you waves that curl over your body, that you might actually in reality expect but aren’t seriously prepared for even though you think there’s some way that you will indeed be able to handle its strength. I hated the waves. I hate the ocean but at the same time it’s my favorite thing. I’m afraid of it, and there aren’t many things that I am actually afraid of. It reminds me so much of this moment because this, too, this deep moment of honesty that had been stored for at a minimum of 4 years since I had been living away from my dad had been built up and then released over me. It hit me hard, and I tried to handle its strength but it brought me down anyway, and I was drowning in it.

I finally reached the top and felt the sun on my face. Gasping for air, I rubbed the salt out of my eyes, found my feet and buried them deep and hard into the sand below me and calmed myself. Sweet relief, sweet gratification, purity.

He knew it and I knew it too, that with the truth comes more truth. Before I could even speak he had filled in my words, “But I want you to live your life. That’s where you want to be and what you want to do and that’s what I want for you too, your happiness and to make your own choices.” I had my life to live and couldn’t change my destination or course to be what someone else needed rather than what I did. He understood me, and all at once I understood him too. I think I always did – I always knew this unspoken truth – it was just one that I wanted to stay under the water. I didn’t want to feel it, drowning me, yet it still did. And with the relief of it, I still felt the grains of salt burying themselves into my skin. They soon too will wash away, but I couldn’t help but think how unfair it was that they took me under in the first place. It hit me exactly how he didn’t want it to but needed it to all at the same time.

It felt unfair for him to throw that upon me. I am here and he is there and I wish every day for him to be better. I have tried with my kindest strength to be an incentive for his sobriety – calls every other day if not daily, understanding, loving tones, genuine love, kindness, motivating words. I thought that was enough but it never was and so I gave up.

Those moments, underneath, seeing glances of the sun shine through into the darkness as I searched my way to the top, the salt burning my eyes, are panic mode. Honesty is my favorite action yet the most unpredictable and breathtaking, for good and bad reasons of course, and instantly sweeps you off your feet and into panic. You see, that suffocating moment led me to a deeper understanding.

Maybe sometimes it is the healthiest decision to relieve yourself of your deepest feelings, but for others that relief can leave a burden. But then again, maybe sometimes that burden on us can be turned into less of a burden and more into a deeper understanding and perspective into that persons thoughts and your relationship with them. I’ve come to learn that the truth will, at one time or another, be revealed whether it’s from the person themselves or through some other revealing that might not be as pleasant – and that’s in a emotional and literal way. But regardless, the truth conquers all. Maintaining a healthy relationship is all about communication – honesty, perspective, understanding. All of these things my dad and I had together, and whether the truth did drown me for that moment or not, it was the gentle rawness of his feelings, the truth of it all, that I appreciated more than anything.

I think that’s something we all can (or more so need to) understand and appreciate – that sometimes the pain of drowning for a moment brings us the utter beauty and appreciation of the fresh air pulling deep into our lungs, and the sun shining on our skin.


P.S. – Yes, the header picture is me on the shore of the beach (known as ‘The End of the World’) in the Hamptons, NY. I was on vacation with my family there. We stayed in a tiny, old little hotel that legitimately rested on the ocean shore. The 6 of us would step out of our one bedroom shack at sunset and listen to the waves pouring onto our doorstep. It was magical. And yes, I almost drowned. True story (but then again, I can be a bit dramatic). XO


Fun Things to-do While Fall is Still Here…

It’s officially November… Which is officially scary. Scarier than Halloween scary. Time goes bye much, much too quick and there’s so many fun and festive things to do during the Fall season! Halloween may be over, but the little bit of warmer weather and freshness of Fall isn’t. There’s still time – but it’s limited! Now that the ghouls and goblins are out of the closet, there’s other things you can focus on this season.

Here are some fun things to do to embrace the rest of Fall this November:

  1. The traditional apple-picking, apple pie baking, baked stuffed apples – apple opportunities during Fall are endless.
  2. Throw a football party – this is endless amounts of fun! chips, dips, and some friendly flag-football during half time.
  3. Go Wine Tasting
  4. Go Tailgating
  5. Spend a day at the park or in a nearby city. Pretty soon you won’t even want to be outside to even climb into you
  6. Festive Fall Crafts – knit scarves and mittens, collect fallen leaves to decorate the house, make a giving tree
  7. Go for a hike – this is especially amazing at the time of years, because the foliage is utterly beautiful!
  8. Golf – If you’re really bad, like me, you might want to take this down a notch and go for some mini-golf (;
  9. Go to your local farm and see what there is to offer for the season! Apple ciders, pumpkin pies, corn mazes, scarecrow making – all fun things to take part in!
  10. Collect for your local food bank for Thanksgiving… There’s no time better spent than time spent giving back… After all, it is giving-season!


Scotland Adventures 2016

I’ve dreamt for years of traveling abroad and seeing the elegant cobbled U.K. streets, the ocean shores of another land, tasting the food of a different culture. For the first time ever, I got my passport and took to the sky to explore Scotland. I am extremely fortunate to have a boyfriend who’s a native of the country, who took me along with him. With my camera in hand, I did my best to take pictures that really captured the beauty of all I explored to go on remembering it and to share – but, the reality of it is, that a lens will never do it justice. Regardless, here’s a little view of some of my travels.

The first thing I did on the trip was visit the Royal Mile and Holyrood Palace, where the Queen, and the history of them, has stayed during their visits to Scotland. Scotland’s history is unlike anything you could ever experience in the U.S. The stone architecture is everywhere, and stands strong and steady for thousands of years, preserving the homes and histories of millions before us.

The Royal Mile

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Holyrood Palace

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The next day, we did a tour of Edinburgh Castle, which was just as interesting as I’d imagine. My favorite part was going through the prisons where those were kept during wars. The old wooden doors still remained and had carvings in them from prisoners. It was quite a site!

Edinburgh Castle

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Of course, St. Andrews had to be on the list of sites to see in Scotland. The famous course and University were unrealistically beautiful, as was the shore. It was incredibly windy, and even that, in some extremely strange way, was beautiful as well.

St. Andrews, Fife

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While there were so many more tourist sites we visited that I was unable to take pictures of, the adventures were endless! From Soccer games ( I mean Football 😛 ) to pitstops on the water to chippy’s, this trip was an absolutely amazing experience made even more remarkable by amazing people who I will cherish and remember forever.


Dundee United Game

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Celtic Stadium

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Stewarts Melville School