Month: May 2017

Journal Entry 3: 30 Days in Cali…

I’ve been a bad blogger …again. I hope that every time I add to my Journal Entry chronicles, I am not self-confessing my lack of interaction. But yes, I’ve been a bad blogger again.

I’ve been scared. I feel like I’ve used that word a lot since I’ve started my journal entries – but this time around, I’ve been scared that I would jinx the happiness.

These past 30 days have been the best days of my life. 

I promised to myself at the end of 2016 that 2017 was going to be my year – my year to do what’s right for me – my year to be strong, to adventure, to make life happen for myself. I was worried that moving to Cali could actually result in me failing that. I was in a new place with one person to call my friend who had her own life to live. I worked from home, which isn’t the best way to make friends. I had no way to get around, not that I really knew where to go. The cost of living was haunting me. I was scared. I was scared of failure and loneliness.

But then it all so quickly started to fall into place and all that fear went away. And then I was scared to write. The words being printed indefinitely on paper made me feel like they would be left there as a closing and make it all come to an end. I would be jinxed. But before this I ran around the entire house knocking on every piece of wood in sight – so, here goes nothing…

They say that when things are meant to be, they work out in mysterious ways. A large part of me wants to believe that that’s true – that this move was meant to be, that everything happens for a reason, that secretly our inner being knows what’s right for us and gets us there, eventually.

This experience for me thus far has been a fairy-tale… And maybe, just maybe, it’s not a fairy-tale at all – maybe it’s just how life should be, I just haven’t lived like this yet …until now.

Since the immediate second I stepped foot into Santa Barbara I’ve been taken in by my loving cousin who would tear down bridges for me (…literally). She brought me into her world and made me a friend to everyone she knew. I was worried that, like being in a relationship somewhere new, I would then in result be living her life instead of one of my own – but oddly enough, I wasn’t.

I have new cousins who aren’t my cousins at all but have me over for family dinners, and don’t second guess my company when I crash their Sunday beer pong games (even without the OG cuz), whose kids run around calling my name to jump on the trampoline and take silly selfies with me. They add me to their group texts, invite me to movie nights and for glasses of wine and hunt down bagel bites with me at every Starbucks in town.

The same goes for every other friend of my cousins that I’ve been introduced to – I can now call them my own. Every day, without fail, someone is asking me to hang out. Fashion shows, bottle service and sparklers on my birthday, classy parties in giant houses in giant hills, photo-shoot’s, signing my first lease, consuming my body length in burritos, sun bathing on beaches with palm trees in them…

I took my first shot of tequila, drank more in the past 30 days than I have conclusively in my entire life, champed through an oyster shooter and even ate cow just for the sake of the In-N-Out experience.

The list goes on… I went into this experience very scared, overwhelmed, sad… I set my expectations very, very low and did some burying of the excitement I did have. I forced myself, instance after instance, to not get my hopes up.

So now I ask you – Is it really true, when they say what’s meant to be will be? Or is it that we (I) tend to aggressively overthink things into such intense mannerisms that we destroy all sense of hope and expectation until we take the risk, so that it has to end up being more amazing than we anticipated? Maybe knocking our expectations down (not aggressively, but you know what I mean) is what we need sometimes to be grateful and remind us that life and people really are amazing? (Not to get confused here – I mean, get out of your own inner fairy-tale of expectations – I don’t mean let people treat you like sh*t).

I’m not exactly sure what direction I’m going in with this post, because there’s so many different things I’ve learned in my 30 days of this new life so far – So I’ll give you the sum of it:

1. Life is what you make it. Plain and simple. 2. YOLO 3. Take the risk. ALWAYS. 4. It will all work out. 5. If you’re scared to do something that you really want to do, just do it. Chances are at the end of the day it will be one of the best decisions you have ever made. 6. Be kind. Smile wherever you go. Let things roll – it’s usually useless to get worked up. And don’t forget to make friends wherever you go. 7. There really are nice, inviting, friendly people out there – sometimes it just takes time to find them. Don’t let any selfishness and ignorance you’ve experienced with others bleed into your judgments of humans as a whole. 8. Even if it’s not what you want in the moment, force yourself to do what’s best for you (we all have that little gut monster telling us what’s right). You will look back, even in a weeks time, and thank yourself for it. 9. Always be genuinely you. No matter how weird or imperfect it is. If you are raw from the get-go, then your friends will be your friends – everyone will love and choose to have you around for the crazy human that you are, not who you think they want you to be. 10. Look at everything, and yourself, as a constant learning experience. Take it in – all of it.

30 days down, a lifetime to go.

xx,

Al

 

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Cali Crop Tops…

Crop Top: Pacsun [similar] | Jeans: Carmar from LF Store [in store only] | Sandals: Qupid | Cardigan [similar here] | Sunnies: Forever 21

Moment of honesty here: I’ve never felt comfortable wearing a crop top if my belly button wasn’t covered. I guess you can say I’m a bit reserved, but something about the air in California gives me such a relaxed confidence. There was no second guessing this outfit, and I’m not sure anyone else even looked twice at my little belly button peaking through. Nothing about it matched yet everything went so well and was crazy comfortable – mostly. I will admit, these sandals for some reason dig mid-sized craters into the tops of my feet. Yes, it’s exactly what it sounds like, it hurts like a b-word. It doesn’t even make sense either, because there’s nothing on that part of the shoe that is sharp enough to leave a literal hole in my foot, but, here I am – band-aid covered and healing. Again – disregard my uncontrollable mane. You’ll be seeing much more of it.

P.s. I figured I would share with you a poem I love from a book I have…

“The metal cold and the glass broken; the wood old and splintered, throwing slivers like quills. Look and see, life explodes despite it. Between broken and the rusted, the shattered and the fractured, life. We are this, always this, and nothing can stop us from finding the light through the rubble. Watch us grow.” – Tyler Knott Gregson, Chasers of the Light 

Derby Style… 

Dress | Shoes [similar 1 or 2]| Hat [similar] | Sunnies | Jacket | Choker

In a not so surprising surprising way,  my first week in California went somewhat like how you would daydream it would – but on not so grand of a scale, and that’s only if you consider going to a Kentucky Derby party in a mansion on a hill in Santa Barbara a not majorly intense scale in the grand scheme of all things California. For the little Rhody girl that I am, it was pretty grand. It only took me a few minutes to get rolling around the floor in my dress with a cute puppy, and then in the next hour tucking my dress into a pair of shorts to go trampoline-ing with the kids. Small town girl in a glam world at its finest. Another shocker to many – this gorgeous dress is from Forever 21. Beautiful, am I right? Everything seems to just be much more beautiful here in Santa Barbara. I’m pretty content with it, to say the least. I’ve managed to wear this Ettika choker with just about every outfit. I can glam it up, for instance with this dress or wear it with a beachy look. the possibilities are endless!

p.s. – It’s official, my hair is out of control. I’ve just come to embrace it!